My Blog

According to the one and only Big Sis, my last blog makes me sounds like a dirty little whore, which as we all know is NOT who I am so let’s be clear: I woke up in Heather’s bed (female, non-lesbian) because it was her birthday and I wanted to make sure she got home alright, and also because after I got her home I reallllllly didn’t feel like shlepping back to Astoria from Washington Heights. That is the longest sentence I wrote all day!

So here I am, back in NY, home from glorious Binghamton NY after gorging myself on turkey, stuffing, and good old fashioned fun. I enjoyed the family: Grandparents who we have to tie down so they won’t over exert themselves (willful much?), newphews who we have to tie down so we don’t over exert ourselves (willful much?) and siblings who are tied down because of football injuries (sister - and she caught the pass, thankyouverymuch) and a complete disregard for others (baby brother - who proudly tells me his weight is DOWN to 205.) It was great to see my daddy of course, and my suberviant older brother and his instigator knocked up wife. I wish I could have stayed longer but I have to get back to my job where I shove chicken fingers into the faces of privillaged prepubescent progeny. It’s just as well, I suppose. I mean I did awaken to a balmy 8 degrees in Binghamton. that’s not a typo. 8. Degrees. Farenheit. I can’t spell but I sure can type 8.

And… that’s it. 5 hours on a bus (traffic, should take 3!) makes me not miss home so much. Besides, home hasn’t been there in years. It’s just where my family lives. Please see that speech in Garden State.

Love ya

Megan

I am in love with being in my mid 20’s. Seriously. I can get away with anything. And the boobs are still perky enough to get free drinks.

What a day thus far. I woke up in a bed not my own. Don’t get too excited, it was my pal Heather’s birthday and I crashed at her place after consuming enough alcohol to kill a rogue clown.  Anyhow I woke up at 7:45, 9, 10, 10:30, 11, and 11:15. Perhaps, PerHAPS over consumption wasn’t the best idea. I’ve been tired and cranky all day. And also wearing a bra that’s a cup size too small. It’s like there’s a tiny little man in my shirt just a-squeezin’. It’s hurting up a storm. This is not a gentle tiny little man. Odd. Wouldn’t you imagine that a tiny little man would be soft?

I am torn between getting done what needs to be done and napping while watching Seinfeld.

Ok I’m not really torn. Seinfeld it is.

Peace Playas

Ah, noon on a Monday. What a great time to wake up! I’ll bet most of my pals are at work or on their way. Granted on the weekends when everyone else has lazy time I find myself bitching and moaning and hating girls aged 5-12 (American Girl place - made in China by kids for kids! Then they go beat up Tibetan kids!) but MONDAYs are when I relax until I see that I have 2 weeks worth of laundry to do (Stupid last week having to work!) and the air conditioner is still in the window and I missed the Ellen show because it comes on at 10 and I have no coffee so I have to go out to get it because I forgot to buy it in Philly, so now I have to go all the way to Whole Foods to find a reasonable substitute. God I hope the roommates aren’t home.

Wait let me stop bitching for just a mo. I’m sure I have some good things going on. At least 2 people complimented me on my hair yesterday (so NOT washing it seems the better option) and at least 2 people said I look like I lost weight. Which I didn’t but looking it is way better than actually having lost it and not looking it. And I was just feeling totally squishy too.

See not every blog gets a gold star. This one is such a diary entry I want to turn it pink and lock it with a tin key.

So you may have noticed that I checked the boxed "dating men" and "relationship men" again.  Yes, Mr. R. and I have decided to nip it before we have to be sad while he’s away for the next few months. Ah me.  The good news is… well I lost like 4 lbs from sheer worry. And yes, he’s proof that good guys to do exist. Who knew?

Hey!

Remember when I said I’d add to my blog daily and help myself with my writing in that regard? Well I shat all over that idea didn’t I?

OOH ok so well what shall I discuss today? Ah The Daily Show. I saw a taping today. It was awesome, though security wouldn’t let me throw myself at Jon Stewart. F-ing bastards. Like I was going to hurt him! I’m comparitively miniscule compared to him. He cracked me up like something very heavy or strong would crack something relatively weak. Possibly a bowl and an egg but I think that analogy is far too obvious.  A laser fence and the soul of a taught irish boy? Cameron Diaz was the guest. I understand she has a relatively high IQ. I guess she is so smart that she is playing up the cute bimbo quality to get men to see her movies. She IS smart! I realize that this blog posting is really awful but fuck, I’m writing and I maybe made a joke or two and you’re the tool stuck reading now right? Bwahaha!

PS I totally snorted while laughing at the show. It might have made it on air, but my roommates were watching something else so I dont know.

Ok so the sex is confined to random accidentaly porn, the drugs are pretty much concentrated to the legal beer and rock and roll isn’t even live, but I’m still pretty rad and am rocking the blog, just like every 13 year old loser in the midwest. All I need to do now is pay website homage to the Rocky Horror Picture Show, Startreck, or various conspiracy theories. Ok so maybe I already had a Rocky Horror one. Dammit!

What does one type into a blog? Secret crush? Well there are many. All different yet similar. None gainfully employed. Eh, well whatever neither am I. If I had other things to concentrate on perhaps I’d be lacking in blog.

Oh I know, I’ll use this as my personal bitch forum. Ok item 1- a-holes in the movies. I don’t mean the movies themselves. I’m smart enough not to go to a Sandra Bullock movie. I mean the f-ing million year old women who talk throughout the film. Ok just because you were born at the Dawn Of F-ing Time does NOT mean your comments are interesting (as my friend Heather points out, they would simply be archaic) and HELLO you do NOT bring a baby to the movies. OK? You don’t unless you are hopelessly retarded. Especially not to a horror movie! And when your unwanted baby cries you do not jiggle your keys to get it to shut the f up. Buy a  toy! Hire a babysitter! PUT ON A CONDOM! Jesus H, people are rude, stupid, and populating the world with more rude and stupid people.

Side note - if your jeans hurt, they are on too tight.

At least no one’s cell phone went off.

And now it’s time for me to hustle off to bed. Sleep is fun and I excell at it.

I thought about logging weight, calories, alcohol and cigarette units Bridget Jones style but f-you if you want to know what all I weigh. I’m hotter and better than your ex, even if I’m sarcastic and a poor conversationalist.

Peace kids. Hope it all works out for you.

The Megs

www.meganiscool.com